If there’s a boy in the bed, kick him out. Tell Tim he better find his boxers and then find the door because you’ve got a day to conquer. If there’s some leftover nachos by your bedside, sniff first, and then maybe snack on them as you have that awful realisation: you have to go to work with a hangover. You’re wearing the same crop top with one boob popped out, your jeans are unzipped because of said nachos, and your Netflix cue is playing another rerun episode of Queer Eye. That explains the mascara-stained tissues by your bed too. Before you panic and feel like you have to call out sick, take some time to toughen up bitch. You need to make that cash money, so get out of bed (slowly) and let’s get the day started.

Wash Off Your Tramp Stamp

Okay ladies. This is where you have to shower or possibly/most likely fake it because it’s time to get yourself together. If you have time to wash out all your regrets beforehand, go for it! You can lather up with a moisturising body wash and have a little TLC. But realistically, you probably woke up late, so if you don’t have time to shower, remember these two things. First, wash your hands. Do you really want to go to a meeting with “Two4One” or “Fusion Nights” stamped on your hand? Wash that off immediately. Also, try to wash your face if you can. Start with a makeup wipe to get off all the makeup you probably slept in, and then dab on a moisturiser because your skin is most likely dehydrated.  

Cover Up Last Night’s Regrets

Makeup can really be your friend in this situation. You can choose to own your hangover and dress like you clearly went out the night before, or you can overcome that massive son of a bitch and look like you had 8 hours of sleep and did some light yoga that morning. The best partiers have mastered how to still look fly while running on a hangover. Do yourself a favour, and drink tons of water to overcome your bloated face. Seriously, how many double chins can someone have? If your eyes are puffy, you can also put tea bags on your face to alleviate any puffiness. While you got those tea bags on your face, maybe check your phone and see the damage to your bank account and check out the pictures you don’t remember taking in the women’s toilets.

Make A Personalised Hangover Kit

Before you leave your house, do yourself a favour and pack the essentials. Some people have survival kits, and you’ll need a hangover one for work. I would pack a ginger ale or Sprite can in your bag, just in case you start feeling a little nauseous. Also, if you have time, make somewhat of a heavy breakfast. Breakfast sandwiches can be really easy and quick, and if you eat that leftover pizza by your bedside, chances are, you’ll feel even greasier and worse after work. There’s something about soup that can heal your soul after selling yours the night before, so opt for a noodle based soup like pho or ramen. If you can pack that for lunch, that’ll definitely soothe your soul mentally and physically.

Focus On Your Work Bitch

Remember that faint flashback of you texting your ex boyfriend about how happy you finally are or that moment you threw up in a nightclub bin? Yeah block that shit out of your mind. It’ll distract you from work. It’s okay to deal with the repercussions after. We all have those ‘That’s So Raven’ moments when we get visions from the night before, but try not to think about all the mistakes you made. If there’s a boy you met last night, don’t worry, he’ll still be alive when you come home. Keep your Instagram and Snapchat check-ins at a minimum. Try to focus on work as much as you can, unless it’s brunch time. Then by all means, spill the details and gossip with your co-workers. When you finally get home, make sure you take some time to relax. It feels like a marathon going from a night out straight to work, so feel free to treat yourself when the work day is over.

Written by: Kavita Singh

Illustration: Bleeker Brand by Beth Richardson