What Is The Walk Of Shame?

The walk of shame, or as we at Lady Bible like to call it: the stride of pride, is the beeline to your own bed after a night spent in another’s. The hot foot from a hotty. The exit that prevents a one-night stand from becoming a one-life one. And what you must do when you can’t afford an Uber.

The walk of shame is what comes after you’ve awoken smelling like a pub bin, with a mouth that tastes like a fluffy dog on bonfire night and a head that pounds like a baseline. And there is no escaping it once you’ve established, through bleary eyes, that these bedsheets aren’t yours, this room isn’t yours and that heavy-breathing hunk sure as hell ain’t.

But whether it was a 2 am ‘u up?’ text or butt-dial to an ex that got you in this situation, it is nothing to be feared. Your route should be a runway, and not a plank that leads to an ocean of regret – you are a Lady, after all. So with that in mind here are some useful tips to enable you to keep your head held high, and stride with pride!

You Don’t Have To Hurry Out The Door

Unless you want to, of course. Take your time, have a coffee, and a shower (if you can). They can’t judge you – it takes two to tango. Besides, you never know, last night’s lover might be a great conversationalist and you could want to stay in touch. And if you don’t, still try not to rush because you might forget your underwear and there is nothing more anxiety-inducing than that!

Embrace The Bedhead

Kate Middleton’s billowy blow-outs are so out, messy hair is in. Hell, why not backcomb it even more?  Bed hair makes a statement. That statement being “I had sex last night”, and what is so wrong with that?

Smudged Make-up Is A LEWK

The smoky eye is hard to perfect, but last night’s slept in make-up is as close you can get to the coveted haven’t-really-tried rocker vibe. Mascara smudges hide dark circles too, so let them happen. Imperfection IS perfection, and you woke up like this – flawless.

Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It

So what if it’s 8 am and you’re wearing your fuck-me pumps and your tad-too-short skirt? So what if you’re wearing a beer stained shirt? Everyone knows, and guess what? Nobody actually cares. As my mum once told my embarrassed younger self : “People are far too concerned with themselves to care what you’re doing.” You have nothing to hide and you’ll only draw more attention if you act like you do, so strut like you mean it! But if you do get any judgmental glances, just stare right back and flash them a large, knowing smile.

Play Some Tunes As You Go

Nothing puts a spring in your step like a sassy song. Some in-theme picks include One Night Stand by Janis Joplin, Run the World (girls) by Beyoncé and These Boots Are Made for Walkin’ by Nancy Sinatra. Find the full playlist on Spotify @LadyBibleTunes.

Own The Experience

Even if it was terrible. As Nora Ephron, the great journalist and writer, once said “the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next.” At the very least your night will become something to bitch about over a glass of wine, and at best it will lead to a lifetime of happiness and co-ownership of a labrador. Regret is pointless, you wanted to do it at the time and (hopefully) it was fun. You should just consider it a part of the journey, a small scene in the movie of your life. And in that story you are not the one-night stand, you are the leading Lady!

Written by: Lydia Veljanovski

Illustration: Bleeker Brand by Beth Richardson